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OlympusSculpted private msg quote post Address this user
After setting a new gym record on standing calf raises, I decided that a celebration was in order. I told Lex to round up the crew, because we were going hunting for cardio bunnies. Lex called up our other training partner, Mongo. Mongo is a 6'8" 305 lb. bodybuilding monster. To give you an idea, he takes in 5000 cals while cutting, and has an IV stuck into
his arm with protein flowing in at all times to avoid going catabolic.

We headed out to the club, of course all dressed to the nines. Lex in sweatpants,a PROLAB tshirt, and his trusty crowbar. Mongo was wearing leather pants, a white beater, with his lifting belt around his waist. I decided to try some peacocking, and wore a pink beater, complimented by a pink top hat and pink Chuck Taylor shoes.

We ran into a little trouble at the door, when the bouncer told us we weren't properly dressed for the establishment. Mongo stepped up to the plate. Bumping into him, Mongo screamed "You sure about that?" The bouncer, terrified, changed his mind but asked for the $20 cover charge.
"Cover charge? Just be lucky you're still alive, punk. We ain't paying a cover charge." Lex and I walked in, lats flaring, while Mongo entered the side door (too big to fit through the front door).

We scoped out the situation, and it looked pretty grim. A club packed with AFC's and a bunch of HB8's and HB9's. I shook my head. As you know, I only pork HB10's.

A few minutes later, a group of HB8.5's approached us.

HB8.5: Hi...ummm... we heard you guys were alpha males and we wanted to know if we could hang out with you tonight?

I fought off the urge to vomit (HB8.5's... gross!) and replied, "You know,
you've got a lot of nerve coming over here. Don't you think I'm a little out of your league, cupcake? Now get out of here, you're threatening my alpha status."

I was getting impatient. "Mongo, find me a HB10 NOW!" I snarled at him. Mongo took out his binoculars and scanned the crowd.

Mongo: I see a HB10 cardio bunny at the bar, drinking a martini.
Me: Any bodybuilder activity in the area?
Mongo: I dont see any... just an ectomorph.
Me: I'm going in.

I lat flared it over to this broad, and first approached the ectomorph hitting
on her. He was wearing a Jose's Surf Shop T-shirt
"End of the road, AFC. Step aside and let me handle this cardio bunny."

AFC: Get lost.

Normally, I would have stomped him into the ground, but with Mongo in the
club I felt it unneccessary.

Me: <grabbing the AFC by the throat> Look, you f**kin ectomorph, you better
get the f**k out of here before we have a problem. See
that guy over there, that's a 6'8" 300 lb. bodybuilder. If you don't leave
this club now, and never come back, the cops are gonna have
to call the boys down at Jose's Surf Shop to ID your body.

The AFC ran away screaming and I moved in on the cardio bunny. "Your lucky
day, baby. You get to spend the evening with Doctor Swole. Wanna feel my pythons?"

Cardio Bunny: What do you think I am, some cheap slut just looking to get
laid? I'm better than that.
Me: Oh I get it. You look at me and all you see is shredded quads,
18 inch pythons, and abs you could do laundry on. I'm more than a piece of meat here.

I turned around to leave.

Cardio Bunny: I'm sorry, did you say 18 inch pythons? My name's Isabelle.
Me: Doctor Swole.
CB: Oh, a doctor? What kind?
Me: A uhhh... gynocologist.
CB: Really? How did you get into that?
Me: Well, I guess you can say I just love pussy.

Lex approached me with a look of concern on his face. "Mongo's IV is out of whey. We need to get him some protein before he goes catabolic and gets into a rage."

Me: F**k. How long do we have?
Lex: 15, 20 minutes tops.

CB: Do you have to go? Well here's my phone number, why dont you call me sometime
and we can go to a museum or something.

I looked at her phone number in disgust. "Look cupcake, I'm going on a gynocologist
exposition in the Phillipines for the next year. Tonight may be our last night together. We should make the most of it."

CB: If you say so, Doctor Swole.

I took her out to my BMW and we started going at it. I hit it doggystyle and finished off by giving her a pearl necklace (the only jewelry I'll ever buy for a woman.)

I lit up a joint and closed my eyes. Lex and Mongo approached the BMW. "We gotta go now, Doc, Mongo's gonna get catabolic."

I told the cardio bunny to leave the car. "I had a great time, Doc. My gynocologist never treated me like that!"

Lex and Mongo roared with laughter. "He's no gynocologist. This is Doctor Swole, one of the most notorious Alpha Males on the planet!"

Cardio bunny had a look of denial on her face. "Tell me thats not true! Are you even a real doctor?"

Me: <taking a puff of the joint> I'm no doctor... but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night.

Lex and Mongo roared with laughter. I stepped on the gas and accelerated away from the cardio bunny. She coughed when inhaling my exhaust fumes, and by the time she stopped I had turned the corner. I wondered if she had seen my ALPHA1 license plate, but it's
inconsequential. I'll never see her again. My speedometer hit 95 as I raced to Mongo's place.

Lex: Going a little fast Doc?
Me: <taking a drag from the joint> Those protein shakes ain't gonna mix themselves.
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TimmothyGen private msg quote post Address this user
Lulululz huehuehue provided
Post 2 IP   flag post
brian12 private msg quote post Address this user
lollll
Post 3 IP   flag post
mikew private msg quote post Address this user
Dr. Swole!!!
Post 4 IP   flag post
SRorhrbac0808 private msg quote post Address this user
Omfg. Best. Post. Ever. HAHAHAHAHAHAH. Good shit. I'm a new fan of OP.
Post 5 IP   flag post
the1 private msg quote post Address this user
hahahah

Cardio Bunny: I'm sorry, did you say 18 inch pythons? My name's Isabelle.
Me: Doctor Swole.
CB: Oh, a doctor? What kind?
Me: A uhhh... gynocologist.
CB: Really? How did you get into that?
Me: Well, I guess you can say I just love pussy.

noice one..
Post 6 IP   flag post
DEXchidera private msg quote post Address this user
Lol.... Dr swole

More please
Post 7 IP   flag post
IGS private msg quote post Address this user
Man I started reading "Wow this sucks" scrolled down to see what I assumed was people bashing it but people liked it, So I went back and read it all and it was shit wtf fuck you guys.
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_RudeCrew private msg quote post Address this user
@IGS it was funny.
Post 9 IP   flag post
The Dark
Knight
eknight private msg quote post Address this user
It was funnier four years ago when someone posted it.

http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=125036381

-3X
Post 10 IP   flag post
_RudeCrew private msg quote post Address this user
He didn't claim it to be his own.
Post 11 IP   flag post
The Dark
Knight
eknight private msg quote post Address this user
Weak. -3X
Post 12 IP   flag post
_RudeCrew private msg quote post Address this user
How is that weak?
Post 13 IP   flag post
The Dark
Knight
eknight private msg quote post Address this user
I think most people who read that believed it to be his own. It's weak when you just copy and paste something, get the "atta boy," and don't link where it came from. When you read it did you think, "gee I wonder where he found that?" Or "that was funny! Nice job OP." -3X
Post 14 IP   flag post
_RudeCrew private msg quote post Address this user
I think you're the only person who cares. I'm sure everyone here just thought it was funny and isn't going to have their opinion changed if he copy and pasted it.
Post 15 IP   flag post
The Dark
Knight
eknight private msg quote post Address this user
Maybe you're right. You have to remember I taught English for four years and it makes a difference to me. How hard is it to copy and paste the link if you've copy and pasted everything else? -3X
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_RudeCrew private msg quote post Address this user
That makes more sense then. I just think since he doesn't gain anything from this post it isn't a big deal opposed to if it was a school paper or something for his career, something that he benefits from.
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SRorhrbac0808 private msg quote post Address this user
Alright OP fuck your post. I take back my "atta boy". Thought you really did that shit or made it up. You're just a wanna be fagsique boi.
Post 18 IP   flag post
DEXchidera private msg quote post Address this user
I read it on bodybuilding.Com about a year ago and I knew it wasn't his... Still found it funny though, that's why I asked for more cause I know there are many more on the internet.
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OlympusSculpted private msg quote post Address this user
Quote:
Originally Posted by eknight
Maybe you're right. You have to remember I taught English for four years and it makes a difference to me. How hard is it to copy and paste the link if you've copy and pasted everything else? -3X
sup bro, just thought I'd add you cos of that badass pose you're doing in your display picture. I'm a street fighter myself so I tend to run with a pretty rough crowd and I can tell by those vicious tears in your jeans that you're a similar breed. Maybe one day we could go down to the quarry and throw rocks at cats. Anyways keep it real player. R3$p3cT!
Post 20 IP   flag post
The Dark
Knight
eknight private msg quote post Address this user
Do you use any of your own material? -3X
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OlympusSculpted private msg quote post Address this user
@DEXchidera @_RudeCrew my fav:
On a cold Friday afternoon, I had come home from school. I had been thinking of the gym all day. I was hungry, didn't have any lunch. In fact, I didn't eat because I spent the money. For the past month I was saving up for something. Something special which I bought at GNC. I was surprised they didn't ask for ID; I was pretty sure the cashier noticed how nervous I was. Anyways, my mom asked my how my day was when I got home, but I ignored her. I have more important things to do. I run to the bathroom and unpack my bag. In my school bag is a white plastic bag from GNC. I open the bag, first removing the receipt and flushing it down the toilet to get rid of the evidence. My heart was racing now. I unpack the creatine monster from the bag.

I wonder what people will be asking me when they see that I will be 50lbs heavier. Should I say I was just eating a lot? I remove the label from the tub and tear it into a thousand small pieces. I flush that down the toilet, too. It is time now. I run up to my room when my mom ask me what I am holding. I panic, sweat drips down my forehead and my teeth chatter. "Mom, it's just for a school project". "What project?" "I don't know mom I just started it!". A tear runs down my cheek. I run upstairs and open the creatine, scooping upservings into a clear water bottle. What have I gotten myself into? I fill it with water and drink it. There is no turning back now. The creatine monster is inside me now, it will control me. What should I do if I die? I cant let my family know about this.

I open the creatine tub and throw it all out the window; a white cloud of mysterious dust sparkles into the wind so graciously. I feel the substance taking control of me; I am now the monster. I walk downstairs, its time to work out; time to get big. Now I worry, I don't want to get too big; people will think I use steroids. I do use steroids. No I don't. Creatine. All I see is the weights now, I am almost downstairs when I hear "Do you want a cookie I just baked". I know I do not have time for this shit now. "No mom I do not want a cookie" I walk in the basement and drop to my knees before the weights, tears running down my cheeks. I turn to the right and look at myself in the mirror. Oh god, what have I done?
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OlympusSculpted private msg quote post Address this user
Quote:
Originally Posted by eknight
Do you use any of your own material? -3X

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_RudeCrew private msg quote post Address this user
@OlympusSculpted HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Post 24 IP   flag post
OlympusSculpted private msg quote post Address this user
@eknight No offense bro but you are the ugliest mother****er I have ever seen. If I didn't know any better
I'd assume your mom was a titty waitress at hooters, got pregnant, was fired for her slump in
appearance, then couldn't afford an abortion
so she had the local kids try and whack her bulging fetus like a piƱata. Only you survived and
that's how you ended
up with such a disfigured face. Either that or you got baptized with scolding hot coffee. I bet if a
blind kid felt your
face he'd be asking why there's a pizza on this camels ass. ****s disgusting bro get it sorted or
at least wear a bucket
over your head or something. peace.
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DEXchidera private msg quote post Address this user
@olympussculpted that's taking things too far. There was no need to go that far, your previous sarcastic replies were much better.
Post 26 IP   flag post
The Dark
Knight
eknight private msg quote post Address this user
@DEXchidera what's the big deal there? It's not like he came up with that on his own. Like everything else here, he's copy and pasted it from somewhere.

I'll never be offended by anyone to stupid to have an original thought. -3X
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SOLARSUPLEX private msg quote post Address this user
Im sad. Becuase i think that everything i have ever thought has been thought before. Thats why i cant invent anything.
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coolguy1993 private msg quote post Address this user
One time I fapped to a video that started half way through intercourse. Really hot redhead chick etc and I had a great time and blew my load.
Just after I finished, I let the video keep rolling, then I noticed the actor and actress put on some funny and scarily familiar costumes- all I could think was 'please god, no'.
Female actress says 'that was great Bam-Bam'
Male says, 'Me and Pebbles go Bam Bam!'

I felt like crying- childhood innocence=destroyed

true story brah
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BaiTu private msg quote post Address this user
I wish I had a dollar for every time someone asked why @Eknight was so obsessed with them.
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